President Bush and "Nowhere Man"

This afternoon at work the Beatles song, “Nowhere Man” was running through my head. Now, I don’t know where it was coming from because I am not a big “Nowhere Man” fan. In my opinion, it is one of John Lennon’s weaker creations. Compared to the super-cala-trippy “Tomorrow Never Knows” a mere album later, as well as pretty much every song Lennon has ever written, “Nowhere Man” is bland and overrated, sitting there on the fourth track of arguably one of the greatest albums of all time, just waiting to suck.

Its chord structure is campfire, and the lazy guitar solo mocks verses that John sings in such a way that he doesn’t actually think the Nowhere Man is “a bit like you and me” at all. His ambivalence so blatant, it comes across as wasted effort, if an effort at all. Perhaps John was so burned out writing songs for Rubber Soul that he just said, “fuck it,” drank some whiskey, smoked a joint, and wrote this in his sleep, and then McCartney woke him up an hour later and told him it was brilliant. It’s also quite possible that I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, and Lennon loved “Nowhere Man” so much, he put his rubber soul into the lyrics’ underlying philosophy.

Despite my indifference to “Nowhere Man,” there it was, bothering me all afternoon. I had fallen into contemplation about whether this was some coincidence I should be filing in my brain in the “meaningful” folder when, suddenly, I realized that I have every single lyric to “Nowhere Man” committed to memory. As John sang it in my head over and over again, I started thinking about George. Not Harrison, but W. Bush. What possible connection could George W. Bush have to “Nowhere Man”? Let’s investigate, shall we?

If you think about the lyrics to “Nowhere Man” in George W. Bush terms, they take on an ambiguous life force. The question begs itself. Is George W. Bush the Nowhere Man? The answer: yes and no.

Since you are a busy professional with a (raise the quotation mark fingers) “life,” I’m more than happy to break it down. And feel free to blame me if “Nowhere Man” starts running through your head, but be sure to acknowledge also that no gun to your head forced you to read this nonsense.

HE’S A REAL NOWHERE MAN

Clearly, Bush has achieved the amazing feat of being figuratively/intellectually “nowhere,” but simultaneously literally “somewhere,” or some might say “everywhere,” for four years now.

SITTING IN HIS NOWHERE LAND

This is also true, depending on where he is, since he splits his time between the Crawford Ranch and DC, with the occasional charity jaunt around Europe, through which he usually pouts like a little rich kid who doesn’t give a shit about seeing the Mona Lisa and the Tower of London, let alone pipsqueaks like Gerard Schroder and Jacques Chirac.

MAKING ALL HIS NOWHERE PLANS FOR NOBODY

Here’s where it gets all tricky and partisan, but I can only cover one side. Of all the troubling aspects of Bush’s agenda, perhaps the most upsetting is that the domestic policies he supports overwhelmingly favor corporate and high-class interests, also known as the “somebodys,” or “people whose asses I need to kiss for campaign contributions.” Now, Bush’s elite base (see also: Moore, Michael, memorable Bush quotes from Fahrenheit 9/11) of millionaires might view themselves as somebodys, but they’re also free to concoct plans on slave wage labor, shady business dealings, splurging on diamonds with a side of lipo and a dessert of a divorce settlement for the trophy wife, as well as a third vacation house for the third week of July…and are still able to go to church on Sunday and call themselves moral and self-righteous. Supporting such corrupt greed will get us nowhere, and it really doesn’t help anybody, hence the nobody. Actually, it hurts everybody that Bush would consider a “nobody.”

DOESN’T HAVE A POINT OF VIEW
KNOWS NOT WHERE HE’S GOING TO

I refer you now to the White House Production of Pinocchio, with Bush in the title role, and Cheney and Rove fighting over the role of Gepetto, and Condi Rice battling Rumsfeld for Jiminy Cricket.

ISN’T HE A BIT LIKE YOU AND ME?

Is George W. Bush a bit like you and me? Please pause and reflect.

HE’S AS BLIND AS HE CAN BE
JUST SEES WHAT HE WANTS TO SEE
NOWHERE MAN, CAN YOU SEE ME AT ALL?

It’s as if Lennon wrote this song with Bush in mind.

NOWHERE MAN, PLEASE LISTEN
YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE MISSING

These lines serve as an open invitation for Bush to hop back off the wagon again. Your old frat buddies are still waiting for you at the bar. Take a seat. Knock one back. You know you want to.

NOWHERE MAN, THE WORLD IS AT YOUR COMMAND

Dear left-wing friends,

I’m terribly sorry that I (a) got “Nowhere Man” stuck in your heads and (b) made you as angry as you were on November 3, 2004 all over again. Please take that anger and do something positive with it. As for “Nowhere Man,” try replacing it with “It’s a Small World After All.”

Love,
Delia True

NOWHERE MAN, DON’T WORRY
TAKE YOUR TIME, DON’T HURRY
LEAVE IT ALL TILL SOMEONE LENDS YOU A HAND

In conclusion, the only line I like here is “leave it all,” but that prospect is unrealistic and depressing. Damn you, “Nowhere Man.” Please, leave my left brain in peace.