Beer Church vs. Mormon Church

My older sister has always tended more religious and spiritual, while I've skewed more secular and academic. Currently, my sis is a proud member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I respect the Church's charitable role in society, but its institutional trappings have never trapped me, as I don't like being told what to believe and how to think. However, I think I've finally found a Church that is both altruistic and free-thinking. Yes, it's true. I'm seriously thinking about joining the Beer Church, an organization I learned about at my job tape logging on the Food Network show, BBQ with Bobby Flay. God forgive me for every time I've ever complained about this job, because now I know why I'm really here, to find my righteous path to spirituality, a fitting place of communal worship for my wayward soul. Not since the intoxicating $3 pitcher nights back at Darwin's in college have I learned that beer could do this much good for humanity. The Mormons are missing out!

As a service to my parents, I'm setting up a flow chart to compare the Mormon Church to the Beer Church, so they can more easily explain the basics of their daughters' respective churches to fellow dinner party attendees and otherwise curious acquaintances.


Mormon Church: Joseph Smith was chosen by God to restore the Church of Jesus Christ to the Earth. Smith was visited by heavenly messengers, translated the Book of Mormon, and received authority to organize the Church.

Beer Church: A bunch of guys in Seattle used to get together on Friday afternoons to have some beers and talk about all the world’s problems. They eventually started using beer as a catalyst for getting more people together for charitable events and earning money for charitable causes. Through the strength of its website, the organization has grown internationally.


Mormon Church: Restore the Church of Jesus Christ to fullness on Earth through the divine teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith.

Beer Church (according to founder Kendall Jones): to promote unity, support charity, and instill a sense of community in people all over the world who enjoy and are enthusiastic about beer.


Mormon Church: over 12 million

Beer Church: over 100,000


Mormon Church: Q. Didn't Joseph Smith have, like, 40 wives? A. Yes. Q. Why? A. Check it out.

Beer Church: Q. Is it really a church? A. No. The word 'church' is used to convey the sense of community. There is no building, only people, and beer.


Krystal said...

i would totally join the beer church hands down. now if there was only a church of rum...

12:45 PM

Anonymous said...

Yeah: I like where the Mormon website says "they were challenged by the command" to practice polygamy. I can hear it now.

God: "Joe, I command you to have sex with as many girl teenagers as you'd like."

Joseph: "Welll.............I'm challenged, but, well,........................................ok, I've prayed real hard about that......well.........ok."

2:33 PM

Anonymous said...

"God: "Joe, I command you to have sex with as many girl teenagers as you'd like.""

Your statement makes God sound like a pimp. Have fun at the Pearly Gates.

8:53 PM

Delia True said...

And your statement effectively misses the point (and humor) of the first anonymous statment.

According to Joe Smith, God challenged him with the command to raid adolescent girls on the brink of womanhood. What a challenge it was! Think about it. No righteous pervert could turn that one down.

11:00 PM

Wykie said...

Hey, wait a minute! Wuz up with all this Pimp Bashing? Isn't there room for all of us up there? And by the way, I would hope that the Beer Church would be open to an occasional wine or scotch movement. Not good to be too exclusionary, lest we lose the true pathway of righteousnous. I thought this piece was fantastic. And the humor and, unfortunately, the truth of the words from Anonymous rang loud and clear. Keep up the great writing!

8:53 AM

Anonymous said...

Quote -


Mormon Church: Q. Didn't Joseph Smith have, like, 40 wives? A. Yes. Q. Why? A. Check it out.

Beer Church: Q. Is it really a church? A. No. The word 'church' is used to convey the sense of community. There is no building, only people, and beer.
posted by Delia True at 4:38 PM"

So since the "Beer Church" isn't really a church - How can the two really be compared? Unless the article is out of spite.

3:16 PM

Delia True said...

Sure they can be compared...and contrasted, and it's not out of spite. If you read my post, you'll notice that I did make the point that the Mormon Church, like the Beer Church, plays a charitable role in this materialistic society of ours. I can make some more comparisions if you'd like. It's fascinating.

I just think it's funny that God apparently told Smithy he could practice polygamy, but He outlawed beer. My sister says that I will not understand things like this unless I go through what she did, and I'm not prepared to become a Chosen One just yet.

3:47 PM

Topper said...

I'm sure your sister is a lovely person, but that argument is just weak.

Also to the people that have replied sounding a mite upset about someone even hinting at poking fun at God, remember this, he/she/it is all powerful and i'm sure can take a joke.

I never knew religion involved being completely devoid of a sense of humour?

6:00 AM

Anonymous said...

Anonymous1 to Anonymous 2:

Pimps get paid. I think Joey got all that nookie for free.

10:16 AM

Anonymous said...

ok, i've got a sense of humor. but all joking aside. . .wow, it makes me incredibly sad to see that so many people don't get that a guy might actually be disgusted or put off by being commanded by his god to be with another woman or more.

take a look at the fundamentalist latter-day saints. those are the ones who still, to this day, practce polygamy and not just for those of age. they actually do marry off girls as young as 13 and ship off the younger boys so there's no competition for the real perverts. these people broke off from the mormon church years ago and crap, if that was the "true" mormon church. . .gah, count me in for the beer church.

4:00 PM

Mister Beer Church said...

HEY! This is me, the one and only Kendall Jones. For reals. To prove it... Delia, say hi to Catherine, Cassie and the rest of the crew at W-G for me.

I am honored to have my humble little idea compared with the grand vision of Joe Smith. I think? I mean, it's not like I'm a prophet or anything. I just came up with a simple idea -- we can party, have fun, and make it more fun by doing it for a worthy cause. It took a few years, but now things have really begun to snowball. All we aim to do is make the world a better place... one beer at a time. As far as comparing us to organized religions, I would quickly point out that Beer Church is unquestionably the largest unorganized religion in the world.

There's nothing I can say here that is not better said at our About Us pages on the web site.

Thanks again for talking about Beer Church! You are all truly worthy! Especially you, Delia.

12:51 PM

Delia True said...

I don't know how you found my homage to your cause, Mr. Jones, but I am flattered that you stopped by!

I look forward to the next Beer Church party in Los Angeles.

5:20 PM


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